her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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