Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
