I smell stomach acid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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