one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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