I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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