You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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