when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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