I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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