Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
