I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
