So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
