I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
