I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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