Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
