i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
