Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
