i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
