dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
