so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
