maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
