What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
