Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
