You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
