I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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