I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
