I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
