four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
