In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
