I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
