Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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