I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
