My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
