if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
