why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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