A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
