5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
honey bunches of taint.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
