omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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