You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
