You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
