Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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