I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
