dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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