If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
