I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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