I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
