I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
