I love black thongs
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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