I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
