it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We had to coat check the pizza.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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