I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
