I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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