He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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