it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
