i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
