My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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