when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
